Adoption

When you hear about a family adopting a child internationally, does it pull at you? Do you get misty-eyed and think about what it would be like to try to integrate a toddler (since usually it takes so long, they are no longer babies) into your life that you didn't meet as a newborn? A toddler who likely does not understand English at all. Do you think about the love they've been missing in an orphanage somewhere or maybe the food or clothing they've done without? Do you feel like someday, you should do that, too?

Am I the only one who feels a pull every time I hear of an adoption seminar or meets a family at church with a child from an obviously different heritage? All my life, stories of international adoptions have ... how to describe it?... reached me. Really tugged at me, brought out emotion and avid interest. Drawn my thoughts over and over again. Some days I would even say that I feel God's calling to reach out to some child on the other side of the world that doesn't get a hug each day or who goes to bed cold. I can't stop the feeling that I'm supposed to do that.

We have the resources, at least financially. International adoptions are incredibly expensive. I've heard that before, but it is really hitting home as I've recently started reading the blog of a family working to complete their 3rd international adoption. A family barely out of debt from the first 2 adoptions and trying to reach a third child on a shoestring budget. Wow does the process sound complicated, expensive and exhausting. Yet, I read on because I feel like I might need to know this stuff.

Do we have the resources physically and emotionally? Hmmm. I've never been one to enjoy taking care of lots of kids. I'm an accountant, for goodness sake. I like order and numbers on paper. Patience is my biggest struggle with my girls. But I love them. So much. And maybe that's more important.

My husband doesn't share the urgency I feel when I bring up this urge to look into adoption. We have 2 beautiful little girls and might soon be expecting another if things work out right. Way back when we first discussed "kids or no kids?" before we were even married, he was not in favor of having many because of the world population explosion. He is very concerned with recycling and being wise in our use of resources and didn't want to add to the burden humans place on earth. At that time, there was a brief discussion of adopting, but only in the context of "let's only have 2 naturally and if we want more, we could adopt." But now? Now he's a physician and is concerned that we'd never know the child's medical background or the illnesses that babe would already have. And he just does the "Yes, dear" thing if I bring it up.

There's a couple in our Sunday School class who've known forever that they are meant to adopt. They are saving up for it. They have 3 of their own already, but they know that God has a sister-brother pair of children somewhere in the world in mind for them and they are saving until some point they will start the process. Sometimes I wonder, is what I feel, the pull, the calling, is it what they feel?

Is there a little boy or girl, maybe not even born yet, destined to be part of my family? Does he or she need me? Need us? It haunts me.